The cat has taken to over-grooming resulting in huge bald patches. The vet has diagnosed him with cabin fever (depression) and over-grooming is his coping mechanism. That and sulking. His room full of toys is not the same as the outside hunt of a vole. My husband cringes at the idea of me purchasing mice to let loose in the house. I keep telling Maynard cat that spring is coming but as he watches the snow come down from the porch, he looks at me distrusting. I myself, looking outside today at the snow coming down, was hard to convince that spring is coming.
Whether springs comes or not, I’m already preparing. I have begun to plant seeds for my garden. Flowers, peppers, herbs, and tomatoes. My growing rack will be filling up weekly as more seeds get planted so they are ready to go once the snow fades away.
Though until spring comes, I’ll make some time to enjoy the snow and the tail end of winter. This weekend as my husband and I shoveled driveways and dealt with stuck vehicles, my husband commented that snow days were more fun as a kid. Today, I read a book by the fire then took the dogs for a long snowshoe. This year I promised to take more time for things that made me happy after the shitshow last year was. I haven’t been very good at following through on that. I have loaded my plate full of non-fun adult tasks. I have also remained wrapped up in what I don’t have and cannot achieve that I continue to loose sight of what I have achieved and the wonderful life I do have. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel whole if we never achieve having children but I will manage. I will be okay. We will be okay. As the snow falls and my little seeds sprout and as time soliders on, I’m becoming more accepting of a life without children.