My least favorite part about being an adult is money. I think about money and our lack of it all the time. The addition of fertility treatments has put my thinking about it in hyperdrive. I fuss, I fret, and I worry. Constantly.
I lived in Germany in my late teens and early 20s. If I didn’t have adulting obligations (family, house, work, pets, etc.), I would be living in Germany. I have wanted to go back for a visit for years now, but pesky money (well, the lack of) is always in the way.
My husband doesn’t fret as much as I do probably because I manage the financial aspects of our life. So I pine about heading back to Germany, and I live with memories but responsible me, it simply is not happening any time soon.
By now you can perhaps see where this is going. As a surprise, my husband used miles that were about to expire to book us two tickets to Germany for about 18 days in November and December of this year. I will get to go to Christmas Markets, gain 20 lbs. eating all the amazing German food, show my husband all my favorite places plus hopefully discover a few more. I’m excited. Really. Yet, I’m freaking the fuck out because I have no idea how we are going to pay for another round of IVF and a trip to Germany this year. I think about not doing another round this year but I turn 35. We all know what happens at 35 to ones ovaries and according to all the magazines, it ain’t pretty. Frankly, I want a baby more than I want a trip to Germany.
As I look at more ways to slim our spending without stopping all contributions to our retirement (I’d like to retire one day too, I want so much, I know), I’m trying not to let the money obsessed adult get in my way of this really amazing trip to Germany with my husband. It will be grand. Once I figure out how the hell we are going to afford all of this.