Being a responsible adult is over rated.

My least favorite part about being an adult is money. I think about money and our lack of it all the time. The addition of fertility treatments has put my thinking about it in hyperdrive. I fuss, I fret, and I worry. Constantly.

I lived in Germany in my late teens and early 20s. If I didn’t have adulting obligations (family, house, work, pets, etc.), I would be living in Germany. I have wanted to go back for a visit for years now, but pesky money (well, the lack of) is always in the way.

My husband doesn’t fret as much as I do probably because I manage the financial aspects of our life. So I pine about heading back to Germany, and I live with memories but responsible me, it simply is not happening any time soon.

By now you can perhaps see where this is going. As a surprise, my husband used miles that were about to expire to book us two tickets to Germany for about 18 days in November and December of this year. I will get to go to Christmas Markets, gain 20 lbs. eating all the amazing German food, show my husband all my favorite places plus hopefully discover a few more. I’m excited. Really. Yet, I’m freaking the fuck out because I have no idea how we are going to pay for another round of IVF and a trip to Germany this year. I think about not doing another round this year but I turn 35. We all know what happens at 35 to ones ovaries and according to all the magazines, it ain’t pretty. Frankly, I want a baby more than I want a trip to Germany.

As I look at more ways to slim our spending without stopping all contributions to our retirement (I’d like to retire one day too, I want so much, I know), I’m trying not to let the money obsessed adult get in my way of this really amazing trip to Germany with my husband. It will be grand. Once I figure out how the hell we are going to afford all of this.

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19 thoughts on “Being a responsible adult is over rated.

  1. That’s an exciting trip to look forward to. I’ve never been to Germany. Maybe you can meet up with Dubliner in Deutschland? As for IVF, the cheapest IVF in the country is CNY in New York. A couple of my RESOLVE acquaintances have flown to Syracuse for IVF at CNY. And we live about a 2.5 hour plane ride from Syracuse. It’s $3900 for one cycle. And if you buy more than one, the cheaper each cycle is. I’ve been 35 for three months now so I want to welcome you to the club! You are in good company. There are four of us- including you- that either are 35 or turning 35 this year. Beautiful Germany pics BTW.

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    1. Despite the money, it will be an amazing trip. Bonus is I get to catch up with friends I haven’t seen in ages.

      After you mentioned CNY, I looked it up and got excited for 2.5 seconds. I’m not sure the airfare would make it affordable. I’d have a minimum of three trips and that is if everything went perfectly. The flight is at least a 13-hour trek one way. Yes, I live in the middle of nowhere. :/ We did think about Germany to do a cycle but the transportation issue was always a problem.

      It is funny that 35 bugs me so much when 30 did not. I’m sure 35 will be fine but right now, it isn’t.

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  2. Ugh money is the worst! I, too, am the budgeter (and financial worrier). Pre-fertility treatments life was good and easy but now its like a constant balance: baby trying expenses or enjoying life. Good luck and I hope you find a way to make it work…it looks like a dream trip!

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  3. Yes, adulting is so, so hard. Should we spend our money and savor a few weeks of life, or save it for treatments that have low likelihoods of working and stress us out, but might result on our take-home baby? It actually IS a hard decision!

    I hope you enjoy every moment of Germany. I’ve been wanting to get to Germany for years. So great that you get to go!

    Turning 35 this year too and determined not to let the number defeat my outlook when it comes to fertility. Like the above comment says, you’re in good company. 🙂

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    1. There is that regret if you don’t do the treatments. That maybe this time it will be it and if I don’t do it, I will have lost the chance. It is a horrible feeling.

      I’m glad I’m not alone in turning 35! I’m trying to make the best of it but as it keeps coming close, I start to panic. To the point where I’m like, one more cycle before 35! Because a month or two after 35, my eggs will be me more shittier.

      Yeah, I’m glad my husband is the irresponsible one because others wise I’d be responsible and never live. So onward to fertility treatments and Germany all in one year!

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  4. Which parts of Germany do you plan to travel to? Maybe you’ll be in my neck of the woods! Yeah I understand the scary factor once you turn 35. I’m also worried about my eggs. Any IVF success chart always takes a nose dive after 35! I’m sorry about all the money worries. I hope you find some solution where you can go on a trip to Germany and still get treatment.

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    1. We fly into Frankfurt though I won’t be staying long there. I know for sure that we will spend some time near Berlin and Munich. Maybe go down to the Black Forrest region. Where are you at in Germany? Any recommendations on great places to go during the holidays? I love Christmas markets!!
      Yeah, we will make it work treatment and trip wise. We’ll just have to double down on penny pitching. And I’ll have to simply comes to terms with 35. I’m just simply not where I expected to be and am feeling old. :/

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      1. I’m in Karlsruhe, so not so far from the black forest! Baden Baden is nice and has some cool thermal spas. I love the Christmas markets too! Heidleberg has a nice one and it’s also just a lovely town worth visiting. Lovely castle there too. Munich and Berlin also cool too of course in different ways.

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        1. I went to University in Tuebingen so I know where Karlsruhe is though I’ve never been – or if I have, I don’t remember. I’ve been to Baden Baden but didn’t make it to the thermal spas. That may be a perfect Dec. activity.

          I don’t think I’ve been to Heidelberg and it is close to Frankfurt so that may be a good first stop. My husband has been looking up all the castles and so far is really impressed by them.

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          1. That’s cool that you went to university in Tübingen! I did too for one year! I was on Erasmus from 2002-2003. It was such a fun time! (and where I met my now husband). Oh yeah, there are so many beautiful castles around Germany. Nice to have something to look forward to

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            1. I was there one year after you in 2003-2004. I didn’t do much of the school thing as I should but I travelled a lot. Was such a great year! I’m looking forward to heading back but need to brush up on my German.

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  5. Money is just such an awful thing in life! I’m a student struggling to feed myself most days because of money problems… This world is just so over run by it! I really hope it all works out in your favor. Best of luck with the treatments, too- hoping for the best for you and your husband.

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    1. At least I’m not longer a student! To think that I think I’m poor now! So much worse when I was in school. Sad though that tuition was considerable more affordable ten years ago. It is crazy how fast tuition costs are going up. :/ I will say though my education was a very worthwhile investment.

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  6. You know maybe you could do IVF in Germany… Hell you’re going to have to travel for it anyhow… Or you could just emigrate there and get IVF for free 🙂

    Remember the day you turn 35 does not all of a sudden turn your eggs to shit… No matter what follow your heart… That is the only thing that matters. And if you do IVF make sure to do it with a mileage credit card… All of this fertility crap is what’s getting us business class tickets to Australia next year if this final round doesn’t work!

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    1. We have thought about both! But both aren’t happening. Same with cheaper IVF on the East coast. Due to OHSS, I had have to make a minimum of two trips and that is if we would get pregnant after the first frozen transfer (very unlikely given our track record). With 13+ hr flights, simply not worth it. So vacation it is!!

      Yes on the mileage credit card!! That is how I’m sending myself to the March for Science! One perk of IVF!

      I don’t know what it is about 35 but it is simply rubbing me the wrong way. I was thrilled about turning 30.

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  7. It sucks that we even have to consider putting our lives on hold for the sake of pregnancy (or put a pregnancy on hold for the sake of life – I currently on a 2 month break to make sure I can fly to my sister’s wedding and I hate it!). But I say go to Germany, have an amazing time then do the IVF… you have plenty of time to build the retirement fund back up!

    I’m 35 next year but I’m not worrying too much about it yet. I literally cried when I turned 30 though.

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