As I sit in the recliner with a cat in my lap and unable to move, the dogs are excited. I wonder if the fox is back or it is simply a squirrel. Last night, I went to bed early to read. My husband came downstairs recounting how he chased off a fox that was sniffing around the duck coop. I stared at him blankly. You have to be kidding me – he didn’t think to call downstairs, “Fox!” so I could check him out. We see foxes often, not as much as moose, but they are still neat to watch. He has been instructed in the future to notify me of neat critters in the yard.
Tonight besides thinking about critters in the yard, I’ve been tallying up our finances which has me thinking, would it be so bad if we opted to be childless? Not so much as opting, but simply stopping treatments. To take the money we have earmarked for IVF and live. To not pursue adoption. To live a little more financially loose. Forever. The financial freedoms of stopping infertility treatments and not having kids are quite enticing. We could travel more. We could focus on our hobbies. As I type this, I received this text message from husband, “Gloucestershire old spot pigs!!! Err ma gawd!!!” Okay, even without kids, I say no to pigs. I may relent on my long standing no to goats though.
It is one thing to have sex, get pregnant, and have a kid. The costs don’t come until it is too late to back out. For the infertile opting to become parents either through fertility treatments or adoption, we are required to fork out large sums of money before we even get to the expenses associated with having an actual child. Even if you have some insurance coverage, it isn’t free. The time, the heartache, and still some out of pocket expenses. We do not have any insurance coverage. We refuse to do a gofundme kind of account because we can afford fertility treatments if we simply tighten our financial belt. A lot. Plus, I cannot ask someone for money when we have trips to Germany and Hawaii planned. These are our own financial choices, and we are carrying this burden ourselves. Though I wonder if we should be punished because we are infertile and would like to become parents. I feel punished sometimes. You have to choose between children or a vacation? We have to choose between children and a gasket to fix our freezer. Our dryer stopped working, but I’ve refused to deal with it. Our house will remain unfinished and our appliances broken because we are tucking money away for IVF and travel (our current priorities).
I can hear people saying it now that if we have kids, we’d have to make similar financial choices. However, we do not have kids, we may never have kids, and we may blow another $18,000 to be told again, nope. If we do the third round of IVF, we are looking at a total of over $50,000 spent on treatment alone. That is not including time off work, critter sitters, airfare, lodging, and a therapist. Imagine those with or without children could do with $50,000? Imagine you had a baby and $50,000 in the bank instead of shooting it into your ass?
I’m also aware that we can make more money. We could also work less and enjoy our life instead of living in infertility purgatory. I think if money were not a concern, I’d continue to do IVF treatments until it was successful. However, money is a legitimate concern in both adoption and infertility treatments.
So take the money and run? Do our last round of IVF and hope for the best then move on? Kick the can down the road for awhile and try again in a year so we could be a bit more relaxed in our saving? I have a hard time kicking the can farther down the road. I want to move forward with my life whether it includes more IVF, children, or childlessness.