Acceptance

I was brought up in the generation right before the “Everyone is a Winner!” generation. I grew up in the “You can do anything you set your mind to” generation. Why do we raise children on such false promises? I know reality is a tough pill swallow but what is harder is realizing as an adult, that no matter how hard you work, some things you simply do not have control of.

It has been hard to accept that I truly have minimal control if I will be a biological parent or not. I have minimal control of becoming a mother. Period. It is out of my hands, and I know life would be easier if I could accept it. Not roll over and take it, but accept that which I cannot control.

I have a good friend that has been looking for a job post-graduation and the pickings have been slim. In an email, she wrote that she is “working on adjusting my goals so that they reflect things that I have control over.” Yes!

I’ve been standing in the crowd, watching my life unfold on the big screen and yelling, “This wasn’t part of the script!” How do you accept that you may not have your dream job after you spent years going to school? How do you accept that you may never be a mother no matter what supplement you take, what fertility procedure you do, or which adoption agency you choose? How do you accept this when you have been told growing up that you could have it all if you simply set your mind to it? Have I not worked hard enough? Have I not sacrificed enough of myself to achieve this goal? I’ve done everything I should have done and more, yet I’m coming to realize that you cannot truly have it all, no matter how hard you work for it. Life simply doesn’t work that way. I need to accept this and get back to living my life, even the parts I don’t quite accept yet. Time to set goals I do have control of.

Accept

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8 thoughts on “Acceptance

  1. This!! I am constantly going back and forth between wanting to have goals that are attainable, and that I have control over – and that fleeting, whimsical dream of motherhood being easy to attain. It is so hard to balance, but there is so much value in focusing on things you can control and letting the rest unfold as it may. I’m the same generation as you – and I have learned many a hard lesson because of it. Some of the newer generations are going to have it even worse – because not only are they being taught that they can have anything, but also that they’re entitled to it without any effort…when they reach adulthood and the real world, there will be some hard lessons coming their way that many will not be equipped to handle.

    I think, the very least, focusing on things you CAN control will preserve your sanity. At least, it does mine!

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    1. The younger generation also has to contend with that they were told every minute of their youth what to do. Now I get them as bright-eyed college and they constantly ask “now what?” without thinking what could possibly be the next logical step. I mean simple things like clean up your work area since you are done. Then I get the “how”? What do you mean how? You put it back like you found it. My mom teaches 4-H and is amazed that the teenagers she works with have never used a kitchen knife – parents are worried they’ll cut themselves? Yes, at 5 maybe. At 13, really?

      I hope I can work toward acceptance of all of this because it is what it is and pointless to stress about something I cannot change.

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    1. I think it is something we are all struggling with. Accepting that this is our of our hands and this is our new reality. And yup, right in the middle of cycle 3. Getting more and more real every day.

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  2. Good post. Unfortunately going through infertility makes us have to adjust our expectations and somehow accept that there are no guarantees in this life. Things we had always assumed would come naturally when we were younger about the future, are incredibly elusive. The advice that anything is possible if you just work hard enough does not apply to infertility unfortunately.

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